Intense heat
by BlessYourStar21
Summary: "Yo, bro, could you quit the all he-who-shall-not-be-named act? That is not how you greet your family." - drabble series. Chapter 7: "Can you persuade Natsu to… you know… make bacon with me?" ... Zeref was screwed.
1. Sinister

**A/N: Eh, say what now? Forgive me for this awful piece of writing.**

 **Intense heat**

* * *

" _I_ have a brother?"

A diabolical smile slowly appeared on the black wizard's lips, showing remarkable sharp canines. Zeref held his hand forward as an invitation. The evil glint in his eyes could not be trusted.

"My name is Zeref Dragneel. I created you in order to kill myself. I am no longer able to enjoy life as it rejects me. For that, I want you to eliminate all creatures."

The words came out as a sinister whisper. It gave the surrounding people goosebumps and they took a step back.

"Etherious Natsu Dragneel, will you obey my order?"

Onyx eyes stared back in confusion. He stared at his claws in disgust.

" _Natsu!_ Don't trust him!" He heard Lucy yell in the background.

" _I_ have a brother?" E.N.D. repeated.

"Natsu!" Lucy repeatedly yelled his name.

"Is that all you're going to say?"

Suddenly, the most powerful demon to have ever lived, turned around and stared intensely at the blonde who had been shouting his name. Immediately, Lucy stopped.

"That's it, Natsu! You are my brother and you will erase mankind!"

"Lucy…" Natsu whispered.

"Get back, everyone!" Master Makarov yelled and ordered his children towards the other end of the battlefield.

"Natsu! Keep your head in the game! Snap out of it!" Erza yelled as she was trying to hold back a raging ice mage.

"I'm going to destroy him!" Gray yelled. "I PROMISED MY FATHER!"

Erza knocked him out with a swift kick to the head. "Luckily I know my pressure points…"

Gray's body fell to the ground. Juvia was about to protest, but quickly shut her mouth as she watched Erza's glare. "Obey master's orders, _now_."

Juvia's lips were a thin line, but obeyed Erza anyway. With a nod, she picked up Gray's unconscious body and made her way towards the rest of the guild members.

" _Happy,"_ Natsu whispered.

"Please, Natsu…" Happy begged him with tears in his eyes and summoned his wings.

"I don't think so," Erza sneered and pulled Happy's tail. The cat hissed in pain, but did not have the time to yell as he was thrown through the air and landed safely in Wendy's arms.

"Run, Fairy Tail! You fools!" Zeref laughed as a complete loonatic.

.

.

.

"Yo, bro, could you quit the all he-who-shall-not-be-named act? That is not how you greet your family."

.

.

.

"Say, _what?"_ Lucy shouted, who was secretly crawling through the mud towards her best friend.

"Lucy!" Natsu screeched. "I have a brother!" He exclaimed proudly.

Lucy's eye twitched as she helped herself up. Brown gunk slid along her cheeks and covered her blonde hair.

"I have a brother!" He repeated.

" _You don't say_ ," his friend replied sarcastically and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes, I do say so!"

"MORON!"

"What the –"

"This is extremely embarrassing. You just transformed into the most powerful demon with your filthy claws and blood-red horns. Mind you, but you look like scary shit that escaped the depths of hell. I mean, _wow_ , you look even hotter than normal. No wait, not like that! I mean, your magic is hot and well, that means you look _hotter._ Get it? Oh –.."

"You like what you see, eh?" Natsu smirked playfully as he suddenly stood in front of her.

"Oh, _shit._ How did you do that? _Shit,_ did your transformation improve your speed? That is some nice – .."

"Do not avoid the subject and stop saying _shit!_ "

"I am not avoiding the subject!" Lucy shouted as cleaned her face with Natsu's sleeve.

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"YOU ARE!"

"AM NOT!"

"YOU ARE!"

"SHUT UP!" Zeref Dragneel cried out.

Natsu and Lucy turned their heads towards the black wizard. "Shut up, yourself!" They replied back and started arguing again.

Zeref's jaw hit the ground almost literally and his eye twitched. "How-…"

Suddenly, he was face to face with the pink-haired demon idiot.

"So, I want you to meet my brother. Zeref, this is Lucy. Lucy, this is Zeref!"

" _Are you kidding me?"_ Lucy exclaimed. "I know that guy! And stop using your newly improved speed!"

"He is my brother!" Natsu proudly threw an arm around Zeref's shoulder.

"You just found out you were created by the most evil wizard to have ever lived on this planet and the only reaction you have is _I have a brother?_ "

"… Yes," Zeref carefully said. "I also wonder."

" _See!_ " Lucy shouted. "Even _he-who-shall-not-be-named_ agrees with me."

"He _has_ a name!"

"You just said so yourself he was acting like that!"

"Yes, but Voldemort is evil!"

Lucy's jaw dropped. "He is _also_ evil!"

"Do not talk about my brother that way. He can hear you!" The dragon slayer said and turned around to face his brother. "But, seriously, why do you talk as if you're some shitty vampire in a B-movie?"

"I…I…" Zeref stuttered.

"What I am wondering is why _you_ are not evil, Natsu. You just transformed – oh wow, that is the third time I am saying that."

"The book only holds his power, not his personality," Zeref pointed out.

Lucy rubbed her chin with her index finger and thumb. "That makes sense. But power equals insanity, right?"

"My brother has always been powerful. Has he ever gone insane?"

"Yes," Lucy replied.

"No," Natsu said at the same time.

"You always overreact!" Lucy shouted.

"That is just because I care for the guild and its members!"

"But wait," Lucy said as she turned to Zeref once more. "You knew the book does not hold its personality, but you tried to give him orders anyway!"

"…"

"You never realized that?"

"…"

"YOU SUCK!" Lucy yelled.

"She yells a lot, doesn't she?" Natsu said and nodded knowingly.

"I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!"

And with that Natsu and Lucy returned to their bickering. Zeref watched them with an odd smile on his face.

.

.

.

"RUN, GUYS, RUN! NATSU CAN'T BE SAVED!" Erza yelled.

"NATSUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Happy cried out but could not escape the strong grip of Lily.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm sorry. I haven't written anything in the last few weeks and at the moment I'm trying to kill time at my internship. I think I lost it.**


	2. Godfather

**A/N: I decided to continue this story. Though, they will mostly be drabbles, always concerning Zeref, Natsu and Lucy. Enjoy!**

.

.

.

 **Godfather**

Zeref did not exactly know how he ended up in a situation like this, but it happened nonetheless. He blinked twice as he looked from one to the other and a heavy sigh left his lungs. Scratching the back of his head, he waved a hand in front of two bickering hotheads. Unsurprisingly, neither of them responded, so the once oh-he-is-so-evil-so-he-shall-not-be-named wizard, landed on his butt with a silent thud on the couch.

"You cannot and will not name him the godfather," Lucy shouted as she pointed accusingly to Zeref.

Natsu grunted. "And why the hell not?"

"Because," Lucy started, but turned her head towards her husband's brother. "Don't take this personally!" She begged, turning her head back to Natsu. "Because he is a 400 year old, self-centered, emo, son-of-a-bitch!"

The dragon slayer demon gasped dramatically. "He can hear you!"

"As I said, don't take this personally," Lucy said.

Zeref smiled softly. "I-.."

"He is my brother!" Natsu suddenly yelled, interrupting Zeref again.

"As you have been repeating the past hour. I just…" "Don't take this personally!" "I don't think he would be suited for a father."

"And my moron brother is?" The black wizard coughed between words. Luckily for him, Lucy did not hear that.

"Well…" Natsu said as he was looking for words. "I don't think you will be suited for a mother!"

Zeref gasped in shock as he flapped his hands yelling: "Bitch fight!"

Lucy's eye twitched as a sinister smile reached her face. Zeref gulped in fear and he agreed with himself never to make a pregnant woman mad. He watched his younger brother in confusion as the latter was smiling proudly to come up with such a statement. Oh, boy. He had never seen such a naïve demon. Though, even _he,_ Zeref Dragneel, lord of demons, the Black Wizard, would never, ever say such a thing.

He waited for the outburst, but it never came.

"You're sleeping on the _couch_ , tonight."

Apparently, that was the worst punishment Natsu Dragneel ever faced. How odd.


	3. Sense of humor

**A/N: Rated T, because wel... just read for yourself.**

 **Who knew Zeref could have a sense of humor?**

.

.

.

 **Sense of humor**

"Are you sure this will help?"

Zeref grinned heartedly and gave the blonde the thumbs up.

"Well, I'm not…"

Lucy smelled the brew within the cup she was holding. It was greenish brown with a mix of yellow and it smelled like rotten potatoes on a Sunday evening in June. Lucy had her doubts, but if you ask one of the most powerful wizards on earth to create a potion, this _had_ to work, right?

Behind Lucy's back, Zeref was trying to smother his laughter. Tears of joy ran down his cheeks without Lucy noticing.

After his defeat and his power was sealed away, Zeref himself turned into a book where he could rest in peace. However, his book was in hands of Fairy Tail. He could more rest in peace when he was still a cursed wizard than he did now. The members messed around and summoned him to every party (which, basically, was _every_ night). Most of the time, it was Natsu shouting out to his brother.

However, today it was someone he did not expect and Lucy Heartfilia came with an odd request: to get rid of her feelings for a certain dragon slayer ("He is never going to love me back!"). Knowing his brother was a complete idiot for not realizing his feelings for the girl, he tried to turn down her request, but Lucy insisted. She promised him she would hide his book for a month. Quite tempting, he thought. As a former black wizard, he never had to mingle with this thing called love. He knew he loved Mavis at one point, but only to discover it was never going to work out. He loved life, but it rejected him, turning him into an ice cold killer. He regretted his past life and for once, he decided to help out.

Of course, he would never help his almost sister-in-law to get rid of her feelings for his younger brother. Instead, he decided to have some fun, before _actually_ helping her with her sad love life.

Zeref gathered the most disgusting items and told Lucy to mix them up (it was never going to be a get-rid-of-your-feelings potion). Miraculously, the celestial wizard turned out be just as oblivious as the pink-haired demon and believed every word he said. She would look at him with her great brown eyes as if she worshipped him ever since she was a child. In Lucy's defense, he had lived over 400 years, so he must know something about potions, right?

"Here goes nothing," Lucy mumbled and took a zip of the disgusting brew.

At first, Lucy just had a hard time swallowing the whole thing, because it was almost solid, but after it landed in her stomach, her taste buds finally kicked in.

With a disgusted yelp, the cup fell out her hands. Her face turned into a nauseous green and she noticed her stomach also rejected the content in her stomach. Without further ado, Lucy puked every single bit that was in the cup back out.

Unfortunately, Natsu the dragon slayer had to come through the window at that exact moment.

"Yo, Lu…!"

Natsu was too stunned to speak as he saw the situation in front of him. His older brother was lying on the ground, no longer able to hold in his laughter. His best friend and partner looked as if she just took the most disgusting brew on the planet (though, she did).

"I can explain," Lucy mumbled as she burped out the words.

Natsu turned his eyes towards Zeref. "What the hell is going on here?" He grunted.

"I pulled a prank on your girlfriend, tee-hee," Zeref chuckled and pointed towards the bundle of germs. "She was trying to get rid of her feelings for you, so I gave her a potion!"

"You were _what_? If you decide to break up with me, why don't you just talk to me, eh? And why don't you want to love me anymore?"

Lucy's eyes widened as her jaw dropped to the floor. "Are you suggesting that we are in a relationship?"

"Of course, you idiot! You're my partner after all!"

"You never asked me!"

"I thought it was obvious!"

Lucy suddenly took Zeref by the collar. "You pranked me and got rid of my feelings for Natsu?"

"Seriously?" Zeref asked the oblivious girl. "The prank was the brew. It wasn't even magical. By the way, there's still some puke on your lower lip."

Lucy's eye twitched. Zeref was going to regret what he had done. He-who-shall-not-be-named, the most evil wizard Earthland had ever known gulped in fear of his spiritual life.

Who knew Zeref could have a sense of (black) humor?


	4. Sneaky, sneaky

**A/N: Short story that does not make sense at all. Hope you have fun reading it anyway!**

 **Is Zeref really a pervert?**

 **EDIT: I made some changes due to the fact an anonymous reviewer pointed out some mistakes. I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes, for I'm usually to lazy to notice them. Also, I'm grateful for people to point them out, but don't review if you're only going to do that. ANYWAY, ENJOY!**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **Sneaky, sneaky**

Many people had broken into her apartment in the last few years – Lucy was used to it now. It was rare for her to be alone in her apartment as she was mostly joined by her partners. The celestial mage did not even bother to throw them out, they would come back anyway.

Her team was just back home from a mission. The quest was simple: get rid of the giant monster that was haunting the small town. It was not the first time they had to this, but it was the first time a giant, evil, ugly, yucky, bleh monster could affect someone's feelings. To be more precisely, it could make you fall in love with him. On top of that, only males could be affected.

So when Gray and Natsu started humping a giant creature, Lucy could not do anything but burst out in laughter. Erza had turned into a stuttering mess, blushing profoundly. Carla summoned her wings quickly to take the youngest dragon slayer out of the embarrassing situation and Happy cried out for his friend to stop "hugging" the giant creature as he thought Natsu had found a new best friend.

After a few minutes of a good laugh, Lucy noticed she was the only one capable of releasing her friends from the spell. Along with Loke, the blonde defeated the beast with a single blow. He was not that strong after all.

Unfortunately for the two males, they remembered every single bit. Lucy teased them endlessly, before Juvia showed herself by coming out of the bushes, claiming she had another love rival. How do you explain to Juvia that a giant ugly looking creature could never be a love rival? Well, you don't.

Although it had been a tiring day, Lucy was still smiling at the memory of her teammates kissing a horrid beast. She should not be laughing. If she had been the victim, she would hide in the corner, but it had been a relief she had not been the laughing object for once.

Taking out her actual keys instead of her gate keys, the celestial mage opened her front door. Listening carefully, she sighed in relief. Her teammates decided to let her rest in peace for once – or so she thought.

Taking off a garment one by one, the blonde made her way to the bathroom. Lucy had been stripped down to her underwear when she noticed something in the corner of her eye. She shrieked, throwing the first object that was in her sight towards the mysterious form. Lucy closed her eyes and protected her body with her hands. The thrown object clashed against the wall before shattering into a thousand pieces.

" _Natsu_ , if that's you, _I am going to kill you!_ "

"Well, actually…"

Lucy opened her eyes and came face to face with the one she never thought that would break into her home – Zeref.

"What the _actual_ fuck?!" Lucy cried out and threw another vase at the spirit.

Zeref blinked in confusion. Did she not realize that every object went right through him?

"Pervert!"

"No, let me explain - …"

"You're just like your brother! Do you know it is a crime to barge into people's properties, eh? Well of course you don't know that! You're related to that scumbag. On top that, you're _Zeref_! You don't have any manners or morals, do you?"

"Excuse me, I have more manners than my younger brother!"

"Then _what the fuck_ are you doing in my apartment?!"

"You should watch your language, young lady!"

"You _killed_ people!"

"I'm trying to redeem my sins!"

"So you're trying to peek on innocent women?"

"No, I didn't do that! That is what I am trying to explain!"

Lucy narrowed her eyes. "You have _one minute_ before I kick you back into your book! Wait, how did you even get here? It shouldn't be possible for you to be here as the rule is you must be summoned by someone else."

Zeref rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. "I gathered my strength and focused on getting out of the book. Apparently, I summoned myself."

"You _bastard!_ Are you trying to get out of the book in order to take over the world?!"

"Technically I am dead, so I don't have any desire anymore. The thing is – I feel useless," Zeref said as he shrugged his shoulders. "All I do is sleep and rest in peace."

"That was your desire a long time ago…" Lucy pointed out. "Moreover, that was your purpose! To die and rest in peace."

"I know, but it is… _boring_."

Lucy's left eye started to twitch. "Natsu is really rubbing off on you."

" _Fairy Tail_ is rubbing off on me," the black wizard stated.

"Well, that's great and all, but I want you to leave now."

"You're in a bad mood. You weren't earlier!"

Immediately, a smile lit up on Lucy's face as she recalled the memory of two males humping a beast.

"See, there is your good mood again!" Zeref smiled proudly.

"You should have been there! It was hilarious!"

Zeref smirked. "I know, I was there!"

"You were?"

"Yeah, as I said, I was trying to gather my strength –…"

"Then how did you get _here?_ "

"…. Taxi?"

"PERVERT!"


	5. Shine so brightly

**A/N: Apparenly it's NaLu week? Usually, I'm not someone to participate in such an event, but I got some inspiration when I saw the prompt and thought, why the hell not? Enjoy!**

.

.

.

 **Shine so brightly**

Zeref watched from a short distance and a sigh of contentment left his lungs. A small smile was playing on his lips. Not far from where he was standing, his brother, along with his two companions, was enjoying dinner in the field. They had roasted some chicken in a small fire they had created. The team was on a mission, but it was a beautiful, clear night and all the stars were shining brightly. For now, Natsu, Lucy and Happy decided to enjoy the peaceful night before heading to their client the day after.

The Black Wizard had learned to summon himself, but decided not to do it very often as it still seemed to scare some people (to be honest, it scared _a lot_ of people, but as long as nobody would see him). Lucy compared him to a celestial spirit. The only difference is that his key was a book and he went to sleep when he was not summoned. Sometimes Zeref would wake up, in a world consumed by darkness. That was why he gathered his strength to see the real world.

Zeref had gotten used to Fairy Tail and its rowdiness. Moreover, he started to feel at home. Never in his entire existence had he felt more at peace than with the members of the guild. This night, however, was also satisfying, for he loved the shininess of the moon and the stars. He let himself slip down along the tree, enjoying the slight breeze that was stroking his cheek. He looked up to the stars and scanned the starry night until his eyes fell upon the moon.

"Ah, you're so beautiful," he whispered.

Natsu's ears perked up at Zeref's voice. The dragon slayer scanned the area around him, looking for a sign.

"Shut up," he said as he interrupted his companion's chatter.

Lucy's eyes narrowed. "That is rude!" She exclaimed.

The demon hissed and Lucy's quickly shut her mouth.

"Natsu…" Happy muttered and hid himself behind Lucy's back. "You're scaring me."

Suddenly, the dragon slayer had vanished into thin air.

"Enhanced speed," Lucy mumbled and rolled her eyes. Sometimes she could not believe how strong he had become.

Zeref's eyes landed on the group, but to find out that his brother had disappeared and his team was scanning the area in confusion.

" _Shit_ ," he cursed and hurried himself to get back to his peaceful slumber in his book. Unfortunately, he was too late.

"Yo, bro!"

Zeref shrieked and pulled himself from the ground. " _Natsu_ , you're scaring your old man!" He hissed.

Natsu ignored him and greeted him with a bright grin. "You're gonna join us, eh?"

Zeref sighed and shook his head. "I'm enjoying this peaceful night."

"Then why are you stalking us?"

A faint blushed appeared on Zeref's cheeks as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Who says I'm stalking you?"

Natsu's eyes narrowed in confusion. "I felt your presence earlier today. Though, I thought I could be wrong. It seems as if you have been following us all day. Moreover, you have been in the neighborhood all week. I have been sensing you in Lucy's apartment, but not at home, strangely," The dragon slayer said as he rubbed his chin. "And who were you talking about earlier when you said 'aaaah, you're so beautiful'?"

The Black Wizard turned into a spluttering mess, but his brain seemed to fail to form actual words.

Natsu's eyes widened in shock. "Wait, you haven't been stalking _us_! You have been stalking _Lucy_!"

The pink-haired demon gritted his teeth as his eyes turned to anger. " _Why_ have you been following my girlfriend?"

"I can explain!" Zeref yelled in a high-pitched voice.

"NATSU!" Happy shouted as he spotted his best friend.

"There you are. Where did you run off to – oh hi, Zeref!" Lucy grinned madly at the spirit.

Zeref greeted Lucy and the exceed awkwardly, afraid of his brother's reaction.

Natsu noticed the faint blush on Lucy's cheeks and he clenched his fists.

" _Lucy…_ "

The blonde slowly turned her head as she suddenly felt Natsu's anger rising. "Nat-…"

"ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY BROTHER?!"

Both Zeref and Lucy blinked their eyes twice, before letting their jaw hit the ground.

" _What_ are you implying?" She asked sweetly.

"You didn't think I would find out, eh? I already thought it was fishy I only felt Zeref's presence at your house. You have been crushing on him lately, haven't you? I just saw that pitiful smile on your face!"

Lucy's eye twitched, held her hand back and slapped Natsu as hard as she could across the cheek.

"How _dare_ you doubt my loyalty to you," she shouted. "You could have at least asked for an explanation before you spluttered some nonsense, idiot!" Lucy exclaimed as tears welled up in her eyes.

Natsu rubbed his painful cheek. "Explain to me, then!"

"I can only summon myself when I'm near my own book. You entrusted Lucy with my book, MORON!"

Immediately, the anger left Natsu's eyes. "I-I-I… I'm sorry!" He shouted. "Please, don't cry!"

Lucy held her hands before her eyes as tears trickled down her face. Happy landed on her head and tried to calm her down.

The dragon slayer fell on his knees, looking for words to say his girlfriend. "I'm such a fool!" He cried out. "I will never doubt your feelings for me again, Lucy. Please, look at me… I'm such an idiot. You know I love you, right? We dragon slayers tend to get a little jealous sometimes. You're mine, Luce. You know you're mine…"

Natsu's lower lip trembled. He never meant to make her cry!

Someone snorted. Better yet, it was a girly snort. Natsu looked up to Lucy's face and saw that a small grin was playing on her lips.

"Hahahaha, you fell for it!"

An astonishing look appeared in Natsu's eyes. "Come again?"

"I enjoy it when you're begging on your knees for forgiveness! I would _never_ become angry when you shout such nonsense, because you _always_ get jealous. I grew a little tired, so I decided to ignore it for the rest of my life. Though, _Zeref,_ "Lucy said lauging, "Why him? He is a retired evil mage, living as a spirit that could be summoned from a book. Moreover, he is your _brother_! I would never like someone like… that," Lucy said and pointed towards the black wizard. "No offense," she quickly added.

"None taken." Zeref grinned.

Happy smirked proudly. "Natsu is an idiot!"

Natsu's jaw hit the ground and looked from one to the other.

"You were _begging_ for my forgiveness! You said you _loved_ me. You're so cute!"

This time, it was up to Natsu to turn into a spluttering mess. "I am certainly not cute. In my defense; he said you were beautiful!"

Zeref slapped his forehead. "I was talking about the moon. She is shining so brightly!" He sighed and muttered something that sounded like 'my love…'.

Natsu snorted. "That's lame, dude."

"Yeah, well. I am over 400 years old, give me a break!"

The small group started to argue once more, but as one looked up to the sky, you could certainly agree with Zeref that the moon was shining brightly.


	6. Set it on fire

**A/N: I'm so sorry guys! Life has been a rollercoaster up until now. I'm busy graduating and it takes a huge toll on me. For whomever is still reading these one shots, thank you so much. Today I wanted to post something, so here you go. Another Natsu/Lucy story with of course our favorite black mage Zeref.**

.

.

.

Zeref knew his brother was destructive, he _knew_ that, but as he was summoned he'd never imagined he would find what was now in front of him. Confusion was written in the eyes of the black mage as he scanned his surroundings. He cursed his brother silently under his breath. Turning around, he came face to face with his sister-in-law. Lucy seemed to have a nervous expression as she fidgeted and refused to meet his gaze.

"Where's Natsu?" Zeref grumbled.

Lucy scratched the back of her head and laughed nervously. "Well… not here."

"You mean," Zeref began as he pointed towards the remains of the guild hall, "that this wasn't my brother's doing?"

The blonde hesitated for a second, but then shook her head.

"…Then why was I summoned? I thought you would have wanted me to spank him."

" _Spank him?_ So you do have a little brother's complex?"

Zeref blushed furiously. "That's not the point now, is it?"

Lucy sighed. "I guess, no. Can you help me, though?"

"With what?"

"With fixing the guild hall, of course."

Suddenly realization hit Zeref. A playful smirk appeared on his lips as he wiggled his eyebrows. " _You_ did this?"

Lucy's face became flushed at his statement and she started waving her arms around.

"I can explain! You know Natsu's birthday is coming up, right? So I had this idea in mind to learn a fire spell for his birthday to surprise him. And today is the annual trip to the beach, so I thought to myself 'if I fake being ill, then it gives me plenty of time to learn a spell'. You know Natsu always barge into my apartment at any moment of the day, so I couldn't have done it at home. He would have noticed! I just… you know… thought I could use the guild hall today as my training area. I finally succeeded to light a candle with a simple spell, but I was so overjoyed that I knocked it over. The floor was still covered in alcohol from the party last night, so it kinda…"

"Got out of hand?" Zeref smirked as she watched the wrecked guild hall once more.

"…Yeah." Lucy sighed sadly.

Smoke still erupted from the remains, but at least the fire had been stopped.

"Why didn't you just stop the fire? It couldn't have that big in the beginning?"

"I tried!" the celestial mage exclaimed. "I really did! I used towels and sheets and everything, but it got worse."

"Towels? Sheets…? Last time I checked you're a celestial mage with Aquarius' key?"

"…I kind of forgot I was a celestial mage at the time."

Zeref's jaw dropped to the ground. "Natsu has really been rubbing off on you, hasn't he?"

"Shut up," Lucy muttered as she pouted.

"Wait… What am I doing here then?"

Lucy's facial expression suddenly turned to joy… and lust? She blinked her eyes a few times, readjusted her shirt so it looked like her chest popped out and took a pose.

"You know… you're like the strongest mage in the _entire_ universe, right? Does little black mage Zeref know a spell to fix buildings?"

Zeref blinked twice in confusion. "Are you _hitting_ on me? Like, seriously? You know I like Mavis' small boo-… I mean… Don't you have a boyfriend?!"

Lucy snorted and held her head back to laugh. "Sorry, I've always wanted to try it." The blonde sighed dramatically and both of her hands were in her hair. "I'm just a little desperate…"

"Well, lucky for you… I might know something, but then we would have to make a deal."

"Can't you just do what you always do?"

"No! This is your own fault and I'm not cleaning up your mess unless you do me a favor."

Lucy huffed in annoyance. "Little brat…" She muttered under her breath. "All right, what do you want me to do?"

Before Zeref got the chance to demand his wishes, he was interrupted by a very… girly scream.

"MY PRECIOUS GUILD HALL! OH MY BABY!"

Who-shall-not-be-named and his companion turned their heads towards the yelling voice and their eyes widened in shock.

"…It wasn't me!" Zeref screeched in a high-pitched voice.

"Baby…?" Lucy asked dumbfoundedly.

In front of them was the master of Fairy Tail himself, Makarov Dreyar, accompanied by Lucy's boyfriend and Zeref's younger brother, Natsu Dragneel.

"NATSU! YOU'RE NOW EVEN ABLE TO WRECK A BUILDING WITHOUT BEING PRESENT?"

The pink-haired idiot said nothing in defense and just stared astonished at the remains in front of him. Suddenly, he smirked playfully. "I've really gotten stronger, eh?"

Lucy couldn't find any words to say at his oblivious personality. Zeref just turned his head towards one of the last standing walls and started banging his head in utter surprise.

Master pinched the bridge of his nose and a heavy sigh left his lungs. "You weren't here?" He asked.

Natsu shook his head slightly. "Still, I am damn proud of causing this without realizing."

"Son, I don't think you were able to do such a thing."

Natsu frowned. "But the building is _burning._ "

"…It was me, master," Lucy whispered silently. "I… was practicing fire magic but it got out of hand."

"Why don't you leave the destruction to your partner? I'm sure one fire dragon slayer in this guild is more than enough."

Lucy bowed her head In guild. "I'm so sorry. I summoned Zeref because I know he can fix it. Moreover, he was about to do it before you came."

"…You were practicing fire magic? But Lucy, why?" Natsu asked curiously.

For the third time that day, the red color returned to her cheeks. "I was learning a fire spell to impress you on your birthday next week…"

Natsu blinked twice before a genuine smile appeared on his face. "You're the best," he said and embraced her. Lucy smiled against his chest and returned the gesture. "You too," she whispered.

"Boohoohoo… Did you know Lucy tried to persuade me with her tits for me to fix the building?"

"What word did you just use to describe her? _Tits?_ Wow, man, you've really gotten used to this age."

"Didn't you hear me… she _flirted_ with me."

"So what," Natsu said as she shrugged, "Lucy flirts with everybody. Have you seen her clothes? I'm hers anyway." Natsu smirked.

"Natsu…!" Lucy exclaimed embarrassed and slapped his shoulder playfully. "You're just jealous because Mavis isn't around at the moment." The blonde stuck out her tongue towards her brother-in-law.

"…Can someone fix the guild hall now, please? The children are on their way and I don't think you want to deal with them if they see this," Makarov Dreyar announced.

With a single nod with his head, Zeref muttered a few words and it magically ( _magically, you get it?_ ) fixed itself.

"Thank you, Zeref. You're a life saver," Lucy smiled, bumped his shoulder and snuggled up to Natsu's side. "By the way, what was your request if they hadn't returned home yet?"

"I… Never mind. That's something I shouldn't tell when my brother is around."

Natsu raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Oh… I know! You wanted to try on one of her panties, right? You muttered something about that last week."

"…Curse your dragon ears."

"YOU WHAT?"

.

.

.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! Support is always appreciated.**


	7. I dare you

**A/N: I'm back! Remember that I know Zeref is probably way out of character in my stories, but I just want him to loosen up a lil' bit.**

 **Warning: this story contains adult themes.**

.

.

.

 _I dare you…_

He-who-shall-not-be-named was eating peacefully (don't question it...), when his sister-in-law plumped down next to him with a loud thud. Sneaking a glance, Zeref knew immediately that something was up. Since he was not in the mood for 'monthly problems', he decided not to acknowledge her presence.

However, if Lucy Heartfilia was seeking for attention, she knew how to persuade the Black Mage.

For the next ten minutes multiple sighs came out her mouth, several whimpers filled the guild hall and at some point Lucy even blew in Zeref's ear. That was the last straw.

With a frustrated groan, he threw the hamburger back on his plate (as I said, please don't question it…) and turned his head towards the celestial mage.

" _Fine_ , what the hell is wrong with you?"

Lucy pouted cutely. Zeref blinked a few times in confusion. Why on earth was she acting so out of character today?

The blonde clasped her hands together, tilted her head a little to the side and gave him her best puppy dog eyes she had. "Can you persuade Natsu to… you know… _make bacon_ with me?"

"Making bacon? How hard can it be to ask it yourself?"

Lucy shook her head rapidly. "I'm talking about… _rolling in the hay._ "

This confused the poor Black Mage even more. "Why on earth… dry grass.. in your ears? I don't have a clue what you are trying to say," Zeref said as he was scratching the top of his head.

"I just want to get lucky with Natsu!" Lucy yelled at the top her lungs, attracting the attention of the entire guild.

"That's my girl!" Cana grinned madly as she draped an arm around Lucy's shoulder.

"Okay, just tell me straight on what the hell she is talking about, because I just can't… _Holy Fucking Shit_!" ("HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED, LANGUAGE PLEASE!" Erza yelled. Poor Zeref whimpered in fear…)

Cana showed him a lopsided smile. "She wants you to convince Natsu to have sex with her…"

A crimson red painted Zeref's cheeks as he turned into a spluttering mess. "S-S-S-e… WHAT ON EARTHLAND?"

A faint blush appeared on Lucy's face as she let out a girly giggle and muttered something about loving the dragon slayer. An awkward hiccup soon followed.

The Black Mage gritted his teeth as he turned to scold Cana. "What did you give her?"

The card mage shrugged uncaringly. "Who cares? Lucy's way more fun now!" Cana laughed.

Zeref's eye twitched in anger. He grabbed Lucy by her shoulders and began shaking her violently. "SNAP OUT OF IT!"

The blonde just continued to giggle. "With the way you're treating her now… I have a feeling… you're killing her instead of snapping her out of it," Cana said, trying to hold back her laughter.

Lucy struggled to escape Zeref's and when she managed to do that, she began taking her clothes off in front of the entire guild.

That's when his last bit of sanity lost his mind.

Magic poured from his veins when his eyes turned to a crimson red colour. His teeth became sharper, his breathing heavier. A dark aura surrounded his body, slowly he turned his face towards the poor card mage. However, she seemed not afraid at all… a small smile was playing on her lips. That made Zeref even more angry… a black mist formed in the guild hall.

"I was peacefully enjoying my hamburger when you decided to torment me with a drunk-on-poison Lucy. You interrupted my personal space… And on top of that, you humiliated my brother's girlfriend… YOU TRIED ME TO CONVINCE NATSU TO HAVE SEX WITH HER!" Zeref shouted, but as he was about to use his darkest spell, he was suddenly interrupted.

"WE WIN!" A voice yelled that sounded remarkably like Lucy's. "CANA AND I WIN!"

Multiple groans filled the silence of the hall. "Come and give me the money, bitches!" Cana shouted in laughter.

Immediately, Zeref's dark aura left him and his facial expression was replaced with utter confusion.

"Can somebody please inform me what the hell is going on?" He whispered, more to himself than to someone else.

"We were betting if you had the nerve to say the word 'sex'," Lucy explained. "Since you know, you're probably the oldest virgin alive," Cana added.

"Technically I'm dead," Zeref answered.

"Still, you're the oldest mage to have ever lived," Lucy giggled.

"So, you haven't been poisoned by _her?_ " The Black Mage answered astonished and pointed to Cana ("Hey, that sounded insulting!").

"Nope," Lucy said as she shrugged.

"To what lengths were you trying me to say the word… s-s-s-e…" Zeref blushed profoundly.

"We knew you would never hurt anyone," Cana said.

"But I was about to hit you!"

"Nothing scares us anymore since Acnologia is dead, so… sorry for me to say this, but you're out of business in the evil section," Lucy said and playfully smacked his shoulder, but failed miserably as she went right through him (you get my confusion about him eating a hamburger).

"Not fair!" Zeref said as he crossed his arms over his chest childishly.

"On top of that, who says I'm still a virgin? I've lived over 400 years… you don't know anything about me!"

"…You've made love to someone who is not me?" A voice behind suddenly interrupted the conversation.

Zeref's body immediately froze, but he turned around anyway. There he was met with Mavis' teary eyes.

… He was screwed.

.

.

.

A/N: You're welcome to leave a review.


End file.
